Being a woman in the age of HIV and AIDS in Lesotho

Mathabo Motalingoane-Khau writes that HIV and AIDS were first detected in Lesotho in 1986 and, since then the number of infected people has been rising. It is estimated that out of a population of 2.2 million people, 330 000 adults are living with HIV and AIDS in the country of which 190 000 are women. This suggests that HIV infections are negatively rife in Basotho women and that they are more vulnerable to HIV and AIDS than men.

Motalingoane-Khau first states that she first heard of HIV and AIDS in 1986 when the first patient was identified in the Butha-buthe district of Lesotho. Then, the predominant belief was that HIV and AIDS only affected homosexuals. She believed it would never infect her because she was heterosexual. After 1986, she never heard of HIV/AIDS again until she was a teacher in 1994. She says that the reality of HIV/AIDS came closer to home for her when she fell pregnant in 1994. She says she didn't do any tests but feared that she might be infected. She delivered her daughter by caesarean section in October 1994 but kept praying that she would not need a blood transfusion, which she believed would infect her more.

She then continues by writing that one day in April 1997, she had a fight with her husband and decided to spend the night at her mother's place. The following morning, when she got to her house, her husband refused to let her in. When he finally let her in, he forced her to have sex with him right there in the lounge. He manage to penetrate her and continued with the sexual act as she lay there like a corpse, puzzled by what was happening to her. That and the incident of finding another woman in her bedroom made her wonder as to how safe was she from HIV/AIDS. She decided to leave her husband with the fear of being HIV positive; her fears were diminished when she tested negative three times over a period of nine months.

According to Motalingoane-Khau's paper, her experiences of abuse by her husband and her recollections of her mother's suffering of being forced to care for a man who had abandoned her and her children 23 years earlier encouraged her to enrol for a module of Health, Sexuality and HIV/AIDS in Education at the University of Kwa-Zulu Natal here in Durban. She mentions that she was mostly interested in the sexuality-part of the module but as she read about sexual violence against women and children and how this links to HIV/AIDS, her interests grew.

She then speculates her stories by focusing on making of and explaining why of the occurrences in her stories happened the way they did. She begins with marital rape and male sexual entitlement where she explans that in Lesotho marital rape is not recognised because it is considered the right of the man to get sex from his wife. The paying of lobola by the husband is a custom, which makes the wife become the husband's property with which he can do as he pleases as stated in the Baptist Mission in Lesotho, 2006. Motalingoane-Khau refers to Morrell's book, "Silence, sexuality and HIV/AIDS in South African schools', saying that it becomes more difficult for a Masotho woman to negotiate condom us in the marriage because she has been "purchased". She adds that she was not able to report being raped by her husband because she would be ridiculed. Nobody would believe her because there is a belief that ‘a woman could never be raped by her own husband'. According to social beliefs, a man is expected to demand sex from his wife anytime without any resistance because he is entitled to his wife's body. Motlalingoane quotes Jewkes who argues that ideas of ‘male sexual entitlement' may promote the sexual violence, which occurs in marriages and families. This entitlement makes women vulnerable to disease because they have no say in sexual matters, and they have no right to refuse their husband's sexual demands.

 Motlalingoane-Khau also looks at the issue of female desire and pleasure. Men are supposedly, have uncontrollable desires and sexual urges which need to be fulfilled, while women are expected either to have no sexual desires or to be able to take control of them. According to Bhattacharya's book, ‘Sexuality and Society: An Introduction", a good woman is expected not to desire or gain pleasure from sex. This basically means that a woman is expected to have sex when and how a man wants it without any resistance. Motlalingoane highlights that she has never been aware of female desire and pleasure being openly acknowledged in Lesotho. In the past, a Masotho woman was labelled as a ‘blanket' for a man. A blanket is a possession paid for, with no feeling and no response to any stimulus and can never gain any pleasure from any experience. Thus, women were constructed as desexualised beings with no desires. A woman who shows sexual enjoyment was and to an extent still labelled as ‘easy' or ‘cheap'. Because of their ‘uncontrollable desires', men are encouraged and expected to have multiple partners, while women should be monogamous and unquestioning of their partner's behaviour, as mentioned by Pettifor et al's book, ‘Sexual power and HIV risk, South Africa'. .

Motlalingoane-Khau touches on of silence and sexual violence. In her experience, issues of sex and sexuality have been taboo in Lesotho. While sex is not openly talked about in most communities, men use it as a way of exercising power over women and asserting their masculinity. If a man is ‘a bit rough' sexually, it means that he is a real man. This implies that if a woman reports rough sexual handling by her partner, people would not take her seriously- thinking that the man was doing what he was supposed to do. In reference to Morrell, Motlalingoane says that women keep quiet about the abuse they encounter because they are not believed and their grievances are ignored. For those who manage to speak out, they are victimised by their families, police and the legal system. The writer says that she was silent about her abuse because she knew that if she told either her husband's parents or hers, they would not believe her. She was afraid of the fact that she might not be regarded as a ‘real' woman if she could not stand a bit of ‘rough' play from her husband. She knew that her husband would become violent if she exposed him, so she was forced to remain silent. While women remain silent about their sexual abuse, they place themselves at the risk of sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS.

Writing about Catholicism and divorce, she writes that Catholic Church does not look kindly on divorce because of its insistence on maintaining the status of marriage and a heterosexual structure, according to Bhattacharya's, ‘Sexuality and society: An Introduction'. She mentions that in some parishes in Lesotho, divorced women are ‘cut off' from the congregation but not one man has been cut off for being divorced. She says her mother remained separated from her father for 23 years, without divorce, because she was afraid of being excluded from her church. Motlalingoane was also afraid to report her divorce status to her Catholic school principal because she knew that she would be regarded as half a person, immoral and not a good role model for her students. The role of religion in the victimisation of women is therefore disturbing because the church is supposedly a place where we should all find refuge in times of need.

In conclusion, Motlalingoane-Khau examines the role of women as caregivers. Even after 23 years of separation, her mother was expected to take care of her mother because women have been constructed as emotional beings whose duty is to take care of the young and the invalid. Motlalingoane's article outlines her experiences of abuse and how she feels that her past experiences of suffering might help someone who is going through it at present. She also adds that she hopes to highlight the way in which the unequal gender relations between men and women in Lesotho, and particularly the gender-based violence that often linked to these therefore placing women in vulnerable positions. By writing about her abuses she hopes to appeal to the men in our communities to take a step back and critically reflect on their practises and their treatment of women in their lives.

Ukuba ngowesimame waselesuthu esikhathini sokuhlasela kwe HIV kanye ne AIDS

UMathabo Motalingoane-Khau embhalweni wakhe ukhuluma ngokuhlasela kwe HIV kanye ne AIDS eyaqala ukuhlonzwa ngeminyaka yawo 1986 ezweni lase Lesotho.  Ukusukela ngalesosikhathi izinga lokuhlasela kwalesiifo libonakala lenyuka kangangoba balinganiselwa ku 330 000 abantu abadala abakhungethwe yisona njengamanje kuleizwe elonomphakathi olinganiselwa ku 2.2 wabantu.  Kulesibalo sabakhungethwe yilolubhubhane abangu 190 000 kubona ngabesimame nokuyinto ecacisa ngokusobala ukuthi I HIV ne AIDs idla lubi kwebesimame babeSuthu.  Abesimame babonakala besemathubeni amaningi okungenwa yilolubhubhane kunabesilisa.

UMotalingoane-Khau uqale abale ukuthi lesifo waqala ukuzwa ngaso kulelizwe labeSotho khathi sitholakale kowesimame oyisiguli endaweni yase Butha-buthe eLesotho.  Uthi ekuqaleni kwakunenkolelo yokuthi sihlasela ongqingili kanye nezinkonkoni. Uthi kuthe ngonyaka ka 194 esenguthisha waphinde wezwa futhi ngalesifo nokungunyaka athi wakhulelwa ngawo.  Ngendlela ayenovalo ngayo uthi wacela odokotela ukuthi bamhlinze uma eseteta ukuzama ukunciphisa amathuba okuthi adlulisela igciwane kumtwana wakhe.  

Uqhubeka athi ngo April ka 1997 ngemva kokuthola umyeni wakhe enomunye wesifazane wasola ukuthi hleze naye usethelelekile ngalolubhubhane wabe eseqoka ukuyohlola igazi nalapho athola ukuthi cha akanalo igciwane.  Ngokusho kuka Motalingoane-Khau ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kanye nokushawa ngumyeni wakhe kanjalo nokubona umama wakhe eqhubeka nokunakekela indoda eyayikade seyamshiya iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili kwamenza wathatha isinqumo sokuba ngunompilo.  Uthi wenza izifundo ze Health, Sexuality and HIV/AIDS in Education enyuvesi Kwa-Zulu Natal eThekwini.

Uqhubeka abale nokuthi lezifundo zamenza wabanomdlandla wokwazi ukuthi ngabe kudsalwa yini ukuthi abesimame abashadile badlwengulwe.  Ukhala ngokuthi loluhlobo lokuhlukunyezwa kwabesimame lunokuthathwa kancane ngenxa yenkolelo yokuthi owesilisa unelungelo emzimbeni wenkosikazi yakhe. Ukhala ngabesilisa abakholelwa ekutheni ilobolo libanikeza amagunya okuba ngabanikazi bemizimba yamakhosikazi abo.  UMotalingoane-Khau encwadini yakhe unesiqeshana esidingida ngakubiza nge Silence, sexuality and HIV/AIDS in South African schools.  Lapha ukhuluma ngokungabi nazwi kwamantombazane kwezocansi ngoba owesilisa kokunye ezothi usebenzise imali yakhe ethenga ikhondomu.

Uqhubeka akhale nangenkolelo yokuti owesilisa akabe esakwazi ukuzibamba uma esefuna ucansi.  Uthi kuyadabukisa ukuthi kusenabesilisa abakholelwa ekutheni owesimame kumele alandele okuthandwa yibona ocansini.

Motlalingoane-Khau kulencadi yakhe uxoxa kabanzi acaphune zezigameko yena asedlule kuzona ukuzama ukusiza nabanye besimame ekutheni basukume bazibambe bangalindi ukucatshangelwa ngabesilisa.  Ukhala ngamaphoyisa kanye nemindeni ehlukumeza abesimame abasuke bezama ukuzivikela ekuhlukumezekeni.

Ekugcineni kulombhalo wakhe ukhuluma ngodaba lwabesimame abalindeleka ukuthi banakekele abagulayo kungabe kusabhekwa ukuthi lona ogulayo ubemphethe kanjani lona wesimame engakaguli. Ukhuluma acaphune udaba lukamama wakhe owayephoqeleka ukunakekela indoda yakhe egulayo neyayikade seyamshiya cishe isikhathi esingaphezu kweminyaka emibili. 

Uthi ngalemibhalo yakhe ufisa kuguquke ukucabanga kwabesilisa abahlukumeza baphathe kabi amakhosikazi kanye nabesimame abasondelene nabo.                                     

Ndingavuyisana na nenairobi? Ukuba ngobhinqileyo kwithuba likagawulayo nentsholongwane yakhe elesotho

UMathabo Motlalingoane - Khau ubhala athi, uGawulayo nentsholongwane yakhe baqalwa ukufunyaniswa eLesotho ngonyaka ka1986, yaye ukususela ngoko inani labantu abosulelekayo liyenyuka. Kuqikelelwa ukuba, kubantu abangaphezu kwezigidi ezibini, awaka angama330 abantu abadala baphila nentsholongwane kaGawulayo kweliya, namawaka ali 190 ingababhinqileyo. Le meko ibonisa ukuba, ukosuleleka ngentsholongwane kaGawulayo konyuka ngendlela emangalisayo kwababhinqileyo babeSotho, bekwabuthathaka kuGawulayo kunamadoda.

UMotlalingoane-Khau waqala ukuva ngoGawulayo nentsholongwane yakhe ngonyaka ka1986, apho isigulani sokuqala sabonwa kwisithili saseButha-buthe eLesotho. Ngoko kwakukho inkolelo yokuba, esi sifo sifumaneka kubantu abathandana  besini sinye. Wayecinga ukuba akasokuze asifumane kuba yena ethe gqo. Uthi inyaniso ngesi sifo kuye yafika xa wayekhulelwe ngonyaka ka1994. Uthi akazange enze luvavanyo, kodwa wayesoyika ukuba angabe wosulelekile. Wafumana umntwana ngokusikwa ngoOkthoba ka1994 kodwa wathandazela ukuba angafakelwa gazi, newayekholelwa ukuba lingamosulela.

Uqhuba athi ngenye imini ngonyaka ka1997, waxabana nomyeni wakhe ze waya kulala kunina kowabo. Akubuya ngentseni elandelayo umyeni wakhe wala ukumvulela. Akuvula wamnyanzela ukuba babelane ngesondo kwigumbi lokuphumla. Wazithathela ke umyeni ngenkani, lo gama yena alele okwesidumbu emangaliswe sesi senzo. Eso senzo kwanokufumana omnye obhinqileyo kwigumbi lakhe lokulala, kwamenza wathandabuza ngokhuseleko lwakhe kuGawulayo nentsholongwane yakhe. Wagqiba ekubeni amshiye umyeni wakhe ngokoyika ukuba angabe wosulelekile; ixhala lakhe lehla akuvavanya amatyeli amathathu kwinyanga ezilithoba abe engosulelekanga.

NgokukaMotlalingoane-Khau amava akhe okuxhatshazwa ngumyeni, nentlupheko kanina yokunyanzelwa ukuba akhathalele indoda eyamshiya nabantwana kwiminyaka engama23, kwamnyanzela ukuba aye kubhalisela izifundo zempilo, ubuni neGawulayo kwidyunivesiti yaKwaZulu-Natal eThekwini. Ubalula ukuba, wayenomdla kakhulu kwicala lezobuni, kodwa ngethuba afunda ngokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kwababhinqileyo nabantwana, nendlela uGawulayo anxibelelanayo ngayo, umdla wakhe waye ukhula.

Uye wacubungula ibali lakhe ngokujonga nasekucaciseni ukuba, zenzeke njani na ezi ganeko. Uqala ngokucacisa ukuba eLesotho, ukunyanzelwa kwababhinqileyo ngabayeni babo ukwabelana ngesondo, kuthatyathwa njengelungelo lendoda ukufumana isondo kumkayo. Ukuhlawulwa kwelobola ngumyeni lisiko, elenza umfazi abangwe ngumyeni ze enze nantoni na ayithandayo, njengoko kubalulwe kwimishini yamaBaptist eLesotho, ngo2006. UMotlalingoane- Khau ujolisa kwincwadi kaMorrell ethi, "Ukuthula, ubuni, uGawulayo nentsholongwane yakhe kwizikolo zaseMzantsi Afrika," esithi kuba nzima kumSuthukazi ukuthetha ngedyasi kumyeni wakhe kuba ethengiwe. Wengeza ngelithi, akazange akwazi ukuchaza ukudlwengulwa kwakhe ngumyeni kuba wayengahlekwa, kuba umfazi engasokuze adlwengulwe ngumyeni wakhe ngokwenkolelo yasekuhlaleni. Amagunya endoda kwezesondo enza ukuba abafazi bangakwazi ukwala xa abayeni babo befuna ukwabelana nabo ngesondo.

UMotlalingoane-Khau ukwajonga umbandela weenkanuko nokonwabela isondo  kwababhinqileyo. Amadoda ajongeke ukuba, angakwazi ukuzibamba ngokwezesondo ekwafuna ukwaneliswa, lo gama ababhinqileyo kungajongekanga ukuba babeneenkanuko kungenjalo, kufuneka bezibambile. Incwadi kaBhattacharya ethi, Ubuni noluntu: Iqala ngelithi, umfazi akufuneki abeneenkanuko okanye onwabele isondo. Le nto ithetha ukuba umfazi kufuneka abelane ngesondo ngendlela, naxa kufuna umyeni wakhe. UMotlalingoane ubalula ukuba, akakhumbuli iinkanuko nokonwabelana ngesondo kushukuxwa ngokuphandle. Umfazi obonakalisa ukonwabela isondo ubonwa njengongenaxabiso nolula. Ngenxa yokuba amadoda engakwazi ukuzibamba avunyelwa ukuba abe namaqabane aliqela, lo gama umfazi kufuneka ayamkele le meko angabuzi nto, njengoko isitsho incwadi kPettifor ethi; Amandla kwezesondo nomngcipheko wentsholongwane kaGawulayo eMzantsi Afrika.

UMotlalingoane-Khau uchaphazela umba wokuthula nokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo. Kumava akhe isondo nobuni zizinto ekungathethwayo ngazo eLesotho. Lo gama isondo kuthethwayo ngalo kwezinye iindawo, amadoda alisebenzisa njengendlela yokubonisa amandla abo phezu kwababhinqileyo. Ukuba indoda irhabaxa kwezesondo ibonwa njengeyona ndoda. Xa ecaphula kuMorrell uMotlalingoane uthi, ababhinqileyo bayathula ngoxhaphazo abalufumanayo kuba bengakholeleki nonxunguphalo lwabo lungananzwa. Umbhali uhambisa athi naye wathula kuba wayesazi ukuba, umyeni wakhe angaba ndlongo-ndlongo xa enokumchaza. Lo gama ababhinqileyo bethe cwaka ngalo mbandela, bazibeka esichengeni sokosuleleka zizifo zangaphantsi ezibandakanga intsholongwane kaGawulayo.

Ebhala ngamaKatolika noqawulo mtshato, uthi amaKatolika awaluxhasi uqhawulo mtshato kuba ekhuthaza ukutshata phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, ngokwencwadi kaBattacharya ethi Ubuni noluntu. Uthi kwezinye iindawo eLesotho abafazi abaqhawule imitshato bayasikwa ebandleni, kodwa akukho nanye indoda eyakhe yasikwa kuba iqhawule umtshato. Uthi unina wohlukana noyise ama23 eminyaka bengaqhawulanga mtshato, kuba wayesoyika ukusikwa. UMotlalingoane naye wayesoyika ukuchaza ukuqhawula kwakhe umtshato kwinqununu yesikolo samaKhatolika kuba wayenganakuthatyathwa njengomntu opheleleyo, engaba ngumzekelo ombi kubafundi.

Xa ephetha uMotlalingoane-Khau uvavanya indima yababhinqileyo njengabongi. Emva kweminyaka engama23 ahlakene nomyeni wakhe, unina wayejongeke ukuba amonge umyeni wakhe, kuba ababhinqileyo benziwe banenkathalo nomsebenzi wabo ikukukhathalela wonke umntu. Inqaku likaMotlalingoane lizama ukuveza ukungalingani ngokwesini phakathi kwamadoda nababhinqileyo eLesotho, ingakumbi ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini nokwayamana nale meko ebeka ababhinqileyo kwimeko ebuthathaka. Ngokubhala ngokuxhatshazwa kwakhe uzama ukuba amadoda ekuhlaleni ajonge emva aqwalasele  izinto azenzileyo nendlela athe aphetha ngayo ababhinqileyo ebomini babo.

Na ke be motlotlo ka nairobi? Ke mosadi ya pehelang mehleng ya bohlko ba hiv le aids naheng ya lesotho

Mathabo Motalingoane-Khau o re tshwaetso ya kwatsi ya bosolla hlapi (HIV) le phamokate (AIDS) di qadile ho bonwa Lesotho ka 1986, ka mora mona palo ya batho ba tshwaeditsweng ha e kgaotse ho nyoloha.  Ho lekanyetswa hore bathong ba dimilione tse 2.2, batho ba baholo ba 330 000 ba na le HIV le AIDS naheng ena,  ba 190 000 ho bona ke basadi.  Sena se bolela hore tshwaetso ya HIV e hodimo basading ba Basotho hape ba kotsing e hodimo ya ho ba le HIV le AIDS ho ena le banna.

Motalingoane-Khau o re o qadile ho utlwa ka HIV le AIDS ka 1986, ha ho fumanwa mokodi wa pele Buthabothe Lesotho.  Ka nako eo batho ba ne ba nahana hore HIV le AIDS e tshwara batho ba ratanang le batho ba bong bo tshwanang fela.  O nahane hore o tla tshwaetswa hobane yena a se jwalo.  Ka mora 1986 ha a ka a hlola a utlwa ho buuwa ka HIV/AIDS ho fihlela a e ba titjhere ka 1994.  O re o qadile mona ho bona hore kannete HIV/AIDS e teng mme a ka mo tshwaetswa.  O ile a ba le ngwana wa matsibulo wa ngwanana ka ho buuwa kgweding ya Mphalane ka 1994. O ne a dutse a rapela hore a se hloke phepelo ya madi ka mora ho buuwa hobane a kgolwa hore e tla etsa a tshwaetswe ke HIV.

O tswela pele ka hore ka tsatsi le leng kgweding ya Mmesa ka 1997, o ile a qabana le monnae mme a nka qeto ya ho ya ngalla habo.  Hoseng a a kgutlelaa lapeng monnae a hana ho mmulela.  Ha a se a bula o ile a a inkela motabo ka kgang hona moo kamoreng ya ho phomola (lounge).  O ile a mmeta makgetlo a mangata ho fihlela a tjapalla fatshe jwaloka setopo a makaditswe ke ntho ena e mo hlahelang. Ketsahalo ena le taba ya hore a ka nna a fumana mosadi e mong ka kamoreng ya hae ya ho robala e ile ya kenya dipotso tsa hore o bolokehile ha kae.  O ile a nka qeto ya ho lahla monnae hobane a tshaba ho tshwaetswa ke HIV.  Letswalo la hae le ile la fela ka mora hore a etse diteko tsa madi makgetllo a mararo kgweding tse 9 tse latellanang mme a fumana hore ha ya tshwaetswa.

Ho ya ka Motalingoane-Khau diketsahalo tsena tse bohloko matsohong a monnae le ho nahana ka moo mmae a neng a sotleha ka teng ha a ne a qobellwa ho hlokomela monna ya neng a mo siile le bana lemo tse 23, di ile tsa mo kgothatsa ho ingodisetsa dithuto tsa bophelo, taba tsa motabo le HIV/AIDS la tsa thuto (Health, Sexuality and HIV/AIDS in Education) University ya Kwa-Zulu Natal mona Durban. O re o ne a nyoretswe ho ithuta haholo ka tsa motabo empa ha a ntse a bala ka tlhekefetso ya motabo e lebisitsweng basading le bana le hore e amana jwang le HIV/AIDS, lenyora la hae le ile la tota.

O nahana hore dipale tsa hae di shebisisa diketsahalo hape di hlalosa lebaka seo se mo hlahetseng le hore hobaneng di etsahetse ka mokgwa oo.  O qala ka ho sheba ho betwa ke monnae le hore banna ba nahana hore ba na le tokelo ya ho fumana dikobo ka nako eo ba ratang. O hlalosa hore Lesotho ho betwa ke monnao ha se ntho e sireletswang ke molao hobane hothwe monna o na le tokelo ya ho robala le mosadi wa hae.  Ho ntsha bohadi ke moetlo o etsang hore mosadi e be phahlo ya monna, mme sea se  bolela hore a ka etsa eng kapo eng eo a e ratang. A na ke mantswe a tsnwang kerekeng ya Baptist Mission ya Lesotho ka 2006. Motalingoane-Khau o qotsa bukeng ya Morrell, "Ho kgutsa, tsa motabo le HIV/AIDS dikolong tsa Afrika Borwa (Silence, Sexuality and HIV/AIDS in South African Schools)', ho thata mosading wa Mosotho ho kopa monna ho sebedisa kgohlopo lenyalong hobane o ‘rekilwe'. O tlatsa ka hore o ne a sa kgone ho tlaleha hore monnae o mmetile hobane o ne a tla ba lefa la ditsheho.  Ha ho motho ya na tla mo kgolwa hobane ho dumelwa hore ‘mosadi a ka se betwe ke monnae'.  Ho ya ka ditumelo tsa setjhaba, monna o lebelletswe ho batla dikobo mosading wa hae le ha e le neng fela, ntle le kgang hobane mmele wa mosadi ke wa hae.  Motlalingoane o qotsa hape mantsweng a Jewkes a reng tumelo ya hore ‘monna o na le tokelo ya ho thola dikobo ka nako eo a ratang', e ka nyolla tlhekefetso ka motabo manyalong le malapeng.  Taba ena e etsa hore basadi ba be kotsing ya ho fumana mafu hobane ha ba na matla a ho hana ka motabo, hape ha ba na tokelo ya ho hana ha banna ba bona ba batla dikobo.

Motlalingoane-Khau o sheba taba ya takatso tsa mosadi le monate oo a o utlwang motabong.  Banna hothwe ha ba kgone ho thiba takatso tsa bona tsa motabo, ha basadi bona ba lebelletswe ho se kgotsofatse takatso tsa bona.  Ho ya ka buka ya Bhattacharya, ‘Sexuality and Society: An Introduction" (Tsa Motabo le Setjhaba), mosadi ya lokileng o lebelletswe ho se lakatse kapo ho monatefelwa ke motabo.  Ho bolelang hore mosadi o lokela ho robala le monna ha monna a batla, ntle le kgang.  Motlalingoane o supa hore nahane hore takatso ya motabo le monate wa ona basading e ya tsejwa Lesotho.   Kgale kgale mosadi wa Mosotho o ne a bitswa ‘kobo' ya monna.  Kobo ena ke phahlo e rekilweng, e se nang maikutlo, e sa kgoneng ho ba le maikutlo a motabo ha e qalwa, hape e keke ya monatefelwa ketsahalong ena.  Ka hoo, basadi ba rutilwe ho ba batho ba se nang takatso  ya motabo. 

Mosadi ya tsebang monate wa motabo o ne a rewa lebitso la hore o hloho e bonolo, ha a na boitshwaro.   Ka lebaka la ditakatso tsa bona tseo ba sa kgoneng ho di thiba, banna ba kgothaletswa ho ba le balekane ba bangata, ha basadi bona ba lebelletswe ho ba le molekane a le mong fela, mme ha ba ya dumellwa ho botsa monna ka balekane bana ba bang, ho ngotswe tjena bukeng ya Pettifor le metswalle, ‘Sexual power and HIV risk, South Africa' (matla ho tsa motabo le kotsi ya HIV Afrika Borwa).

Motlalingoane-Khau o thetsa tabeng ya kgutso le tlhekefetso ka motabo mmoho le dintho tse mpe tse mo hlahetseng. Ditaba tsa motabo Lesotho ntho tseo ho sa qoqweng ka tsona tse nkuwang e le tlhapa.  Le ha ho sa buuwe phatlalatsa ka motabo, banna ba o sebedisa jwalo ka sebetsa ha ho hlahisa matla a bona basading mme ba bontsha bonna ba bona ka ona.  Ha monna a o hlefeketsaka dikobong, ho bolela hore ke monna wa sebele.  Ho bolelang hore ha mosadi a tlaleha ka tlhekefetso ena, batho ha ba mo sekehele tsebe - ba nahana hore monna o ne a phetha tshwanelo tsa hae.  Motladingwane ha a qotsa mantsweng a Morrell, o re basadi ba thola tu ka tlhekefetso eo ba kopanang le yona hobane ha ho motho ya ba kgolwang mme sello sa bona ha se utlwahale.  Ho ba kgonang ho bua, ba tshwarwa hampe ke ba leloko, mapolesa esita le molao.  Mongodi enwa o re o ne a kgutsitse ka tlhekefetso ya hae hobane o ne tseba hore ha a ka tlaleha boitshwaro ba monnae batswading ba hae kapo ba monna, ha ba no mo kgolwa.  O ne a tshaba hore ho tla thwe ha se mosadi wa sebele haeba ha a kgone ho mamella borafonyana ba monna.  O ne a tseba hore monnae o tla ba morusu le ho feta ha ka hlahisa bohlaswa ba hae, ka hoo o ile a tlameha ho thola tu! Ha basadi ba ntse ba sa tjho letho ka tlhekefetso ya motabo eo ba e thobalng banneng ba bona, ba ipeha kotsing ya ho tshwaetswa ke mafu a motabo ho kenyeletsa HIV/AIDS.

Ha a ngola ka tsamaiso ya kereke ya maKatolike (Roma) le tlhalano, o re kereke ena ha e dumella ho hlala hobane e hatella hore motho o tlameha ho mamella lenyalong, hape ho tlameha ho bolokwe sebopeho sa kamano tse tlwaelehing pakeng tsa monna le mosadi (heterosexual structure), ho ya ka buka ya Bhattacharya, ‘Sexuality and society: An Introduction'. O re dikerekeng tse ding Lesotho basadi ba hladileng ba a ‘kgaolwa' kerekeng empa ha ho na monna le a mong ya kileng a kgaolwa ka lebaka la ho hlala. O re mmae o ile a dula a arohane le ntatae lemo tse 23 ba sa hlalana hobane mmae o ne a tshaba ho kgaolwa kerekeng.  Motlalingoane o ne a tshaba ho tlalehela kereke ya hae ya Katolike hore o hladile hobane ho ne ho tla thwe ke motho ya sa fellang, ya se nang boitshwaro, o e seng setshwantso se setle ho barutwana.  Letsoho la kereke tshotlehong ya basadi le tshosa haholo hobane kereke e nkuwa e le sebaka se tlamehang ho sireletsa basadi tshka nako eo ba e hlokang.

Ho phethela, Motlalingoane-Khau o hlahloba maemo a basadi tlhokomelong ya setjhaba.  Le ha mmae a ne a arohane le ntatae lemo tse 23 o ile a tlameha ho mohlokomela hobane basadi ba etseditswe ho ba batho ba nang le kutlwelo mme mosebetsi wa bona ke ho hlokomela batho ba banyenyane le ba fokolang.  Dingolwa tsa Motlalingoane di hlakisa tlhekefetso eo a kopaneng le yona le maikutlo a hae a hore mohlomong sena se mo hlahetseng se ka thusa motho e mong ya maemong a tshwanang le a hae.  O tlatsa ka hore o tshepa a senotse ka moo banna le basadi ba sa lekaneng Lesotho, haholo-holo tabeng ya tlhekefetso e tobisitsweng basading, hape e bea basadi maemong a kotsi-kotsi. Ha a ngola ka tlhekefetso ya hae o tshepa hore banna ba tla utlwa sello sa hae mme ba emelle morao ba shebisise boitshwaro ba bona bo bodileng le tsela eo ba tshwarang bafumahadi ba bona.